Karma, Alcohol, Sleeping Pills, and Growth.

What goes around does not always come around. Let’s just start there. I think that the phrase was created to give someone hope when they were clearly wronged. However, don’t assume that when bad things happen to you, through random acts of the Universe, bad things will also happen to the wrongdoer. It just doesn’t work that way. There have been times in my life when I have wronged others, and there have been times in my life when I have been wronged. However, the one constant in both of those scenarios is that I was both hurting and searching simultaneously. You see, I have almost a singular desire. That desire is to find true love without fear of that love ever leaving, hurting, or turning it’s back on me. There is only one problem with that desire; if I found that type of love, it would probably be too good for me. I have left, I have hurt, and I have also turned my back. Therein lies my greatest dilemma. Should I not be deserving of my great love because of my great mistakes?  Of course I’m deserving of love. In fact, through my many failures and mistakes, I have grown, become enlightened, and also found me and the acceptance of my truths.  You see, had I met my great love at a time when I didn’t fully understand me, I would have only damaged them. To me, love sometimes felt like me becoming what they wanted me to be rather than me being who I needed to be. So, I ran. Today, when I am wronged, I don’t seek revenge on the wrongdoer. I seek healing. I don’t seek pain for the wrongdoer, I seek hope. I no longer seek to be anyone other than who I truly am. I am wounded, I am hopeful, I am afraid, I am me. To me, karma means that I have learned through my losses and discovered who I truly am. My mother was right; never look for the perfect person. Accept someone with just as many scars as you, and have a good life. With them, at least you can be honest and be yourself. With that being said, when someone hurts you, instead of wishing them pain, wish YOU joy and healing. For a past lover to see you truly happy without them may indeed be the greatest lesson of all. Me, I’m still learning and growing. Until next time, do something for someone for no other reason than to help make their day better. Gee

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