An old song has a hook that says, “everybody plays the fool sometimes.” I agree. Under normal circumstances, when anyone or anything is associated with foolishness, there is a seemingly negative connotation. However, not all fools or foolishness is bad. Remember, in every lesson, there is a blessing. With that being said, I have played the fool. I learned that despite what one may think or expect, love doesn’t always love you back. When you realize that the love that you loved doesn’t love you, it’s easy to feel like a fool. Here’s the thing; even if you are a fool, once upon a time, your heart, mind, and spirit felt alive. There are no guarantees in this game called love, and all of us are wrong. In the end, the only thing that matters is what’s right for you. Towards the end of my relationship, I legitimately ran out of words to say. It seemed that my sighs became sirens that perpetuated every possible argument that two people could have. In order to avoid the conversational “minefields,” I grew silent. I tried to grow invisible. I tried to hide myself in the shell of what I needed to be in order to maintain “peace.” My most profound conversations were always held in my own mind because I couldn’t bear the thought of another misunderstanding. Sometimes, in the midst of my silence and invisibility, I found hope. I hoped that I could slowly speak and show the parts of me that really made me, well; me. That was not my destiny. Some would say that I am a fool. Me, I will say that for a brief period of time, I allowed the fool in me to give the calculated and cautious pessimist that exists inside of me permission to breathe, live, and hope. In the end, I am not a victim. In the end, I am not an antagonist. In the end, I am simply a man that learned that the form of love that once ended was not my heart’s home. In the end, it was a beautiful guide that is inadvertently showing my heart the way. If you have, or ever had someone hurt you past a point where you think or thought you would never heal, you will. It just takes time. Embrace that time. Time affords you the opportunity to examine the mistakes that you made, forgive the mistakes that were done to you, and infuse your heart with the beautiful music of hope, love, belief, and purpose. I am no victim. I am thankful that my heart works. I am thankful for the lonely nights that I was able to evade because my bed was warm and vibrant. I am thankful for the butterflies. I am thankful. I am thankful for brown sugar, cinnamon, and honey comb sweet. From the top of your head, to the bottom of your feet. From the look in your eyes, to the walk that you walk. From the way that you smile each time that we talk. From the way that you command that I always keep it real. From the way that you stand, to the way that you make me feel. From the rims of your glasses, to the color of your hair. From the style of the clothes that you choose to wear. Everything about you seems to permeate grace. I am so happy that you allowed me to share some of your space. I am thankful. Patrick
As always, this week, please do something to help someone else for no other reason than to make their lives better. Also, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us.