Doors.

Life is sometimes a revolving door of dreams, plans, hopes, and choices.  When I was a child, I was told, “when one door closes, another always opens.”  For the most part, that’s always been true.  However, the closing of some doors is brittle to the touch and bitter to the taste.  Simply put, some doors close before we are ready.  Nonetheless, the door closes.  When that happens, I often find myself questioning my every step.  I find myself asking what I could, or should, have done differently.  Again, the door closes.  Through many sleepless nights and fatigued days, I have come to this conclusion; your door will never close. If it does, it won’t be for long.  You see, what’s meant for you is meant for you.  I’m not saying that there aren’t going to be difficult times, because that would be a lie.  The truth of the matter is that difficult times should bring people together rather than push them apart.  Therefore, your door should remain open.  If you find that your door has closed, no one answers when you knock, and your key no longer works, it was never your door to begin with.  The truth of the matter is that you were privileged enough to see what existed on the opposite side of that door once upon a time.  I have closed doors, and I have also had doors closed on me.  Each time a door closed, I felt it.  Each time my key no longer worked, I endured.  I found myself continuing on as a shell of my former self.  Even though my soul seemed to be hollow, my heart was always ready.  You see, there is a distinct difference between potential and readiness.  Sure, we all have the potential to love and allow someone to love us in return.  However, readiness is another matter.  I was ready.  My door closed because I didn’t fight hard enough.  I needed to be nurtured and poured into.  However, my silent pride prevented me from saying so.  I wanted to feel like the first thought of the day and the last thought of the evening.  I wanted to be a we more than simply me.  I believed in us, and even though I didn’t always show it, I wanted you to as well.  My silence was never disinterest, for it was always hoping, waiting, and praying for the day that you would pour into my well as effortlessly as I would pour into yours.  You see, I was prepared for you to drink the very last drop of me.  In my mind, that would be only right.  I wasn’t prepared to grow barren each time you grew replenished.  If only you had poured into me.  When the door closed, I filled my well with cold sweat, tears, and the hopes that my heart would soon find the safety and validation that it seeks.  I know that I should be saying that I’m good with being alone.  I suppose that I should be saying that I’ll be alright.  I should.  However, as I said earlier, the closing of some doors is brittle to the touch and bitter to the taste.  I didn’t want to close that door.  My good friend Angel told me that when your heart breaks, it is simply breaking off a piece of itself that either no longer fits or works.  I wish it didn’t.  I truly wish that it didn’t.  There is so much more to me than what meets the eye.  Behind my doors exists beauty, faith, hope, dreams, plans, and choices.  You see, even though I didn’t choose to close my door, perhaps my choices led to it’s closing.  I truly wish that it didn’t.  When you truly love someone past your pride, while you may want to completely close the door, sometimes the best option is to leave it cracked.  Love is a wonderful mystery, and I personally believe that with true love, anything is possible….. Patrick

This week please do something for someone other than yourself for no other reason than to make their lives better.  Also, as always, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us.  Take Care.

 

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