Losing love hurts, having love always exceeds expectations, and never knowing or feeling love is the cruelest existence that any living thing can ever experience. For me, social isolation is becoming cruel. Each day, I am required to watch the world that I once loved so much that I fought through depression to experience remind me that we are both close and distant simultaneously. Honestly, the beautiful days are the hardest. It’s hard because my spirit is connected to the sun, therefore, when it shines, so does my spirit. The highways are sparse, the streets are empty, the bars are closed, and it seems that the music is beginning to slow down. I’m struggling today. I’m really struggling. Food has begun to lose it’s flair because those that I once shared it with are seemingly a million miles away. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to drive down the freeway with a destination called anywhere while the wind blows through my window. I’m beginning to forget what it feels like to meet a stranger that shares the same type of pain as me in different locations throughout the city. I’m beginning to forget what it feels like to get dressed because I’ve got somewhere to go. Today, there is nowhere to go. As you already know, my battle with depression is real. In fact, I’m writing this post in real time. My mind is telling me that I need to sleep, but my spirit has convinced my body that my fingers need to write this post. I’m writing. As my mind is fighting to get the best of me, my spirit has let me know that it is in complete control. The metaphorical outlets that I once used to plug my spirit have been turned off. Therefore, my spirit has decided to plug into the sun. I have decided that in order for me to survive, I must live in the possibilities of the sun. I will seek the light of love, my potential, and most of all, the future. Times like these will either make you or break you. For me, I’m being broken in order to be made. I’m making it. I never thought that I would see a time when money would lose it’s value. I never thought that I would see a day when nurses and doctors would bring me greater joy that singers and athletes. I never thought that I’d see the day when I had to get dressed because my mind could no longer bear the thought of the harsh reality that I wasn’t going anywhere. However, that day is here. With the last bit of strength that I have, I have decided to follow the sun. When this is over, I am going to love like there is no tomorrow. I am going to kiss in public, hold hands when I’m nervous, and make love wherever we choose. My career will be a means to an end rather than my life. My family will be my priority rather than my distraction. I’m going to view everyone that I meet as a possible contribution to my life rather than a hindrance. I am going to follow the sun. I am going to walk forward with faith, love, and hope, and I will not let what I’ve never done be the driving force for what I can do. I’m not going to give anyone permission to hurt me more than me. I’m going to laugh more than I cry, listen more than I talk, and give more than I take. I’m going to be the me that I’ve always wanted to be. I’m not done dreaming either. I still believe that love is the best thing going. I am going to follow the sun. Because the Earth is now plagued with disease, my heart is looking for a new residence. Join me in the sunlight. Look around you right now. Who is sitting next to you? Have you laughed today? Did you share a meal together? Are you happy that you’re not alone? If your answers fill you rather than empty you, you are already rich. We must get through these times. We will get through these times. Follow me into the sunlight and find a way to give this thing that we called life a deeper meaning. If COVID 19 has taught me anything, it has taught me this; you are the F in life. F is is friend. F is family. F is fun. F is forgiveness. F is forgetting what hurt in order to make room for memories that fill. Without the F, life becomes a lie. Follow the sun. I’ll see you when we get there….Patrick
As always, if you can, this week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no reason other than to make their lives better. Also, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us. Always Choose Love. Always….