As a member of the human race, I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for expecting your best while always giving you my worst. I’m sorry for expecting you to shine while I praised myself in the midst of creating pollution that ultimately dulls your sun. I’m sorry for believing that my clean car was worth more than the ground that feeds us all. I’m sorry for polluting the very oceans that nourish my very soul. I’m sorry for locking animals in cages simply because my fear was greater than my willingness to understand. I’m sorry for tearing down trees in order for me to create “better” ways to edify myself. I’m sorry for treating people that don’t look, speak, believe, or think as me as less than. I’m sorry. While I’m in the midst of COVID19, I’m thinking of how poorly I’ve treated you. You have been so kind to me that when my soul is low, you allow your light to further brown my skin while I dream again. It’s funny how a beautiful sun can make you forget, remember, and dream simultaneously. You have always been there. Me, I’ve been trying to build trophies as a proclamation that I was once here. Me, I’ve been trying to destroy in the name of rebuilding. I’ve been here too. You see, in my neglect, perhaps you grew tired. Perhaps you decided that you were going to change me in order to change me. Perhaps you decided that the absence of love is the key ingredient in understanding why you need it. Perhaps. In the midst of all of this madness, I am tired too. I am tired of wearing a mask for protection. I am tired of social distancing. I am tired of curbside pickup. Note to some restaurants; many of us didn’t come for the food. We came for the companionship. I’m tired of going to the supermarket and seeing that there is no toilet paper. What is that anyway?? I’m tired of Walmart feeling like a war zone rather than store that always has everything. I’m tired of people not trusting me, and in turn, me not trusting them. I’m tired of empty rooms that once made me feel full exist without the lights on. I’m tired of not going to the gym. I’m tired of not being able to get my car washed. I’m tired. When this is over, I will remind you of how much I appreciate you by taking better care of you. You know, the night before my Mother died, she said, “baby, I’ve never been this sick before. I am going to have a testimony when I get out of here.” Unfortunately for me, she never made it out. Me, I’m still here. I’m still here to continue the things that she could not. I’m still here to complete the dream tasks that exist inside the toolbox of my heart. I’m still here to discover things to love, laugh, and live for. Like my Mother, you have always been good to me, even when I didn’t like, or understand it. I’m sorry and I’m tired. I promise, baby, I’ve never seen days like this before. I’m going to have a testimony when this situation is done. I promise. I’m going to make it real. Patrick
As always, this week, please do something for someone else other than yourself for no other reason than to make their lives better. Also, if you have more food than you need, take it to your local food bank. Humans are suffering. We are all the solution. Also, if you make it to where you are going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us.