Don’t You Know?…

Okay, so, it’s another day of quarantine 2020.  To me, the silence is beginning to scream, and the loneliness is beginning to crowd my space.  With that being said, I guess it’s just you and I.  During times like this, you’re my only friend.  You never judge me, and you always seem to listen.  I need to talk.  I need to tell you what I’ve always known, but was terrified to say.  Don’t you know that I miss you?  Don’t you know that I want to call, but my pride won’t let me?  Don’t you know that I occasionally visit old places with hopes of seeing an old face? Don’t you know that I miss the touch of you?  Don’t you know that I miss touching you?  Don’t you know?  I miss watching you wash dishes while watching me watch you.  I miss looking at your legs wondering if you were going to let me in.  Once in, I miss wondering how long I could endure this pleasure palace of power before I no longer could.  I miss you.  I miss bacon on Saturdays.  I miss walking everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.  I’m afraid of the dark, so I miss the mere fact that you were with me.  I miss you.  I miss you wondering if I was missing you as much as you were missing me.  I always missed you more.  Do you know what I’m afraid of?  I’m afraid that you’re happy while I’m not.  I’m afraid that you’re making love while I’m making plans for better days that I’m capable of making.  I’m afraid that someone else is on the receiving end of the smile that always made everything alright for me.  I’m afraid of someone else watching you watch them watch you while you’re washing dishes.  I’m afraid that you’ll say, “I love you,” and mean it.  I’m afraid.  I’m afraid that you don’t remember us.  I’m mostly afraid that you don’t miss me.  I tried Baby.  I tried.  My shortcomings were a bi-product of a lack of knowledge rather than a lack of willingness. What you didn’t know is that I always loved you.  I knew it from the moment we met.  When I saw you watching me watch you, I already loved you.  I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you.  The first time we went out to eat was more like a holiday than a first date.  The first time we kissed, I knew that this was different.  The first time we made love, I realized that I had sex before, but making love was something new.  We made love.  Of course I wanted you to stay.  Don’t you know that in the beginning, each time you left, my heart and ability to sleep went with you?  Afterwards, I paced the floor eagerly awaiting the morning sun.  Don’t you know?  You don’t know how hard this quarantine is for me.  You don’t know that a part of me hopes our narrative could be different.  You don’t know.  Perhaps, you do.  All that I know is that I miss you……Patrick

This week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no other reason than to make their lives better.  As always, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us.  Stay Safe.  Most importantly, Always Choose Love….

2 thoughts on “Don’t You Know?…

  1. Annmarie May 9, 2020 / 10:10 am

    Thank you for being transparent and real in sharing your intimate thoughts with us.

    Like

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