It’s Just Us..

Contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t get weaker as we age.  This week, a very good friend of mine told me about a her aunt and her 92 year old husband who tried to help her up when she was too uncertain to stand.  When her embarrassment outweighed her trust, he reassured her by whispering, “it’s just us.”  Powerful.  Absolutely powerful.  Today, if you have someone to either whisper that to or be assured by hearing those words, you have arrived.  These are truly uncertain times.  As I have aged, I have developed a better understanding of my Father.  I know that he loved my Mother.  I know that he had dreams that his pockets weren’t able to understand.  I know that he wishes he could have taken her to the places that she was too afraid to speak that she dreamt of visiting.  I know.  This is the letter that my Father never wrote to my Mother.  Beatrice, I don’t even know where to begin.  I never dreamt that you’d leave before me.  I wasn’t done trying to prove my love to you.  I wasn’t done with us.  It was supposed to be me first.  Your leaving lets me know that you were truly an angel because God chose to call you first.  I’m so lonely since you’ve been gone.  Do you know that I try to fold the clothes just like you after they’ve been washed?  I’ve lost so much weight since you’ve been gone because food is fuel rather than love now.  I naively wait for you sometimes.  I know you can’t come back.  Baby, you did good.  You were a phenomenal Mother to our children.  You are a phenomenal Wife to me.  You were such a good Friend.  Thank you for enduring me when I clearly couldn’t.  Thank you for giving Family meaning.  Thank you for pushing me past my own disbelief in the power of my wings.  Baby, you’d be so proud of what our children have accomplished.  Mitch is now standing on his own two feet, and our baby Patrick has found his way.  Tiffany still has her struggles, but she has more good days than bad days.  I don’t visit your grave because I know that it’s empty.  I know that you loved me Bea.  I know that you love me Bea.  I know.  I’m not sure why you didn’t leave me, but I’m so glad that you didn’t.  I’m so glad that you didn’t.  While I don’t quite understand everything about the Black Lives Matter Movement, I know that you’re so proud of the many young people that are protesting for things that in our youth, we were afraid to whisper.  We actually had a Black President.  I never thought that I’d see that.  I did…  Baby, I’m half the man that I once was when you lived with me. Our baby Patrick was so broken when you left, his voice drowned out my cries that I was too.  We were together longer.  I remember you at 16 when we were married.  I remember going from sharing a room to sharing an apartment to sharing a home.  I remember catching the bus.  I remember you in the passenger seat of our car.  I remember you… Bea, your leaving first made me see things I wouldn’t have if you stayed.  I see now.  I’m sorry Baby.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I never told you that I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for a Woman as beautiful as you.  I’m sorry that I was always unsure if I could keep our home together.  I’m sorry that I blamed you for my own feelings of inadequacy.  I’m sorry for so many things.  However, the one thing that I will never be sorry for is stopping you that day you were walking home from school.  Seeing you, meeting you, dating you, marrying you, living with you, and raising our children with you changed my life.  Baby, you raised me too.  It’s just us..  I miss the sound of your sliding feet on the plastic in our hallway,  Keep the checkers board ready for me.  I’ll bring the Postum.  Nothing real can ever be broken, and true love never dies…John.  Patrick

As always, this week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no reason at all other than to make their lives better.  If you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us.  Always Choose Love…

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