Most people that ask for second chances do so because they realize that, although their behavior wasn’t aligned with what they already knew, the first chance seemed more impossible than expected. The requests for second chances are not only an acknowledgement of fault, but also a prayer of hope. I have hoped that I would be forgiven and forgiving. I have my Mother’s heart and my Father’s scars. Even though my Father kept falling, my mother kept healing his knees and forgiving his transgressions. As I have written before, as I have lost, I have learned. Love is an extraordinary gift that must be nurtured at all times. Whether directly, or indirectly, love must be tended to, for it is the reason of the why. I have felt love. Because I have felt love, it is impossible for me to be enamored with “like.” I can like the look of your face. I can like the touch of your skin. I can like the curves of your hips. I can like the music that our bodies sing on our soul’s behalf beneath the sheets. Yet, if that’s all that we have, I could possibly never love you. You see, despite some of the things I have either accomplished or covered, deep inside, I am still a “po” Black Boy. In order to be poor, I would have had to save money. Because I have often times had no money to save, I felt “po.” The funny thing about being “po” is that when someone acknowledges you, they actually see you. Can you see me? If you can see me, can you feel me? If you can feel me, is this real? The answers to those questions have been answered yes less than the fingers that I have on one hand with my thumb pointed towards my palm. I wondered, “how can someone like you love someone like me?” Don’t you know that I don’t know. Don’t you know that this thing I call love is a trial run because I have never experienced the final product? Don’t you know that the only thing that I’m certain of is that my heart chooses you despite the constant questions that exists in my mind. They are at war, and my body is a traitor. My body serves them both. When I’m cold, my mind wins. When fire flows through me, my heart wins. In the end, my heart won. However, so did my mind. My mind told me to leave when my heart gently whispered, “stay..” I left anyway. I left because my mind can be so convincing. My heart; it lagged behind. My heart callously showed my body that it didn’t need its’ presence to be present. My heart lagged behind. While my heart didn’t need my body, my body needed my heart. Without it, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or think. I was lost. That’s when I understood that my heart is much stronger than my mind. As I said earlier, I am my Mother’s soul. She forgave past understanding and explanation, and loved past deserving. If I have ever asked for a second chance, it’s only because my heart and mind had a conversation that my mind understood for the first time. If I have ever asked for a second chance, it’s only because I loved you. Although you may not see it, although I may not have treated you as though I did, I loved you. I loved you. I loved that you have made me stop my pretending in order to humble myself to the majesty of love and the power of your loving heart. If I have ever asked for a second chance, it is only because, at that time, that was my way of saying, “I surrender.” I’d rather be in short term wars with you than longterm loneliness as me without you.” If I have ever asked for a second chance, it’s only because I was sincerely sorry. As I have needed second chances, I am now willing to give second chances. Despite what you may think, your mind is nowhere near as strong as your heart. Let your heart lead the way. In the end, it’s worth it. Love Changes Everything. Patrick
As always, this week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no reason at all other than to make their lives better. If you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us. Always Choose Love.