Gold Plated Love.

When I think of Love, I often dream of it as a one way road. You know, the broken roads that led us straight to one another. Thank you Rascal Flatts for such a wonderful song! How I wish that Love was a one way road. Unfortunately, or fortunately, it’s a multi-lane highway with blocked lanes, closed exits, detours, troopers, accidents, higher premiums for mistakes, and rest stops. Me, I have experienced them all. (I think) It’s been so long since I’ve last written. I guess it’s safe to say that I have been trying to live a little. I’ve been making plans and working plans. Recently, a plan from my past forced me to sit down and reflect on a feeling that I’ve been desperately trying to forget; Love. I get it; I write quite a bit about Love. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I write about Love in retrospect. This is Love in retrospect. The first time I saw you, I knew that my life would be more full with you in it. I’m a little shy, so I pretend to be cool. When I gave my number to you, I never thought that you’d call. Because I never believed you would, life continued on as it did before I met you. Without warning or preparation, you called. You called me on a Wednesday. My apartment was hot as hell because the building management refused to turn on the AC. Me being me, I led a protest. You called me in the middle of my building wide protest. I took the call. We spoke without effort, concern, or hesitation. Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to our first date, and our first date turned into the family that I’ve always wanted, yet never had. When you came over, I didn’t want you to leave. I found our mornings to be more refreshing than our nights because we were our authentic selves in the morning. I’m not a great cook, but I made pancakes. I was so proud of those pancakes. Because you finished most of your plate, I assumed you were too. We embarked on a Love affair that gave me a sense of self-worth that I had never experienced with anyone before you. I was proud of me when we were we. I realize that I didn’t do everything right. Hell, who am I kidding? I realize that I didn’t do many things right. However, what you either didn’t know or couldn’t see was that I was giving you more than I believed I had to give. I wanted to be a better me for us. I tried. As I reflect, was the Love that I felt for you selfish? Did I Love us so much that I ceased to ask you what your perspective of us was? Was the Home that I tried to build for us a cage for you? When I thought we were flying, were you dreaming of running? Were your laughs real? When we made Love, were your tears real? When you slept, were you really sleeping? I have so many questions. I wish it to be known that I am not condemning, judging, or antagonizing in any way. I realize that I lied. However, what I was never prepared for was that maybe you did too. I realize that my lies were based in past shame. Were your lies based in survival? I have so many questions. We shared an experience so painful that we found peace through common understanding. The thing that I find the most difficult to accept is that we went from Summer to Winter overnight. We went from Summer to Winter overnight. I couldn’t believe it. I always hoped that you would come back and bring Spring. However, you never did. Perhaps the golden parts of me didn’t mesh with your soul. I don’t know. What I can say for certain is that I Loved you. I Loved you more than me. I Loved you enough to watch you leave when everything in me was screaming don’t go. I know you needed to grow. I did too. Like child birth and physical fitness, my growth has been painful, yet extremely rewarding. I am so proud of you. As the Sun continues to rise on your spirit each day, I am so glad that you are who you are. You made my Spirit dance to a tune it has never heard. You gave me something to come home for. You made me feel something that I have never completely felt; happy. Even though we are as separate as Democrats and Republicans, I’m glad that once upon a time, we were us….Patrick

I know, I know…..Enough already…As always, this week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no reason at all other than to make their lives better. Also, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us. Always Choose Love Because Love Changes Everything…

One thought on “Gold Plated Love.

  1. kcatiacreoleart May 12, 2021 / 7:35 pm

    Ô Amour quand tu nous tiens…

    Like

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