Stuck.

I know my problem. It’s so obvious that I’m sometimes frustrated and ashamed of myself. Tonight, I needed a smooth drink and the soft and comforting sound of Alex Isley’s voice to get this out. Here it goes. I’m stuck. I’m stuck between my memories and my dreams. I’m stuck between yesterday and tomorrow. Neither of them hurt. In fact, the only thing that hurts are the times when I snap into the now and realize that I’m not there. That hurts. Yesterday, I was hurting. The pain still lingers today. Yesterday, I learned of the death of DJ Twitch. Damn Man…. We never met, but you hurt me. Was there no one to call? Was there nowhere to go? Was there nothing left to do worth giving one more day to? Did you run out of dreams? Was the wonder of yesterday no longer warm? I wish today included you. I really do. I am no stranger to where you were when you did what you did. Trust me, I’m not. Me, I lacked either the courage or faith to move forward. I chose a different path because my faith is louder than my despair. However, you…. You gave more than you took. You shined when I couldn’t. You danced when my feet and hips couldn’t agree with one another. You smiled when my cheeks were too heavy for my face to support them. I’m sorry this was your choice. I’m sorry your reality made you feel like this was a viable option. I hope that you’re free now. I really do… Me, my memories are still wonderful because I can choose the best of them. I choose happy rides on the city bus over fearful nights in my home. I choose the smile of my Mother over the rage of my surroundings. I choose Sunday greens and fried chicken over empty stomachs and closed minds. Tomorrow, you; you are perfection. You are exactly, and only, what I desire you to be. Tomorrow, you promise that my house is full, my bed is warm, and my life is complete. Tomorrow, I will never cheat on you because you always forgive me for the things that I either can’t, or won’t, do today. I’m in Love with you Tomorrow. Today, we’ve got issues. I feel like you don’t see me, and I can honestly admit that I don’t quite see all of you. With closed eyes and clinched fists, I endure you. Perhaps you do the same with me. I can’t help but feel that perhaps, we should both approach one another differently. If you allow me to feel safe, I promise to open my eyes. If you can help me understand that both tomorrow and yesterday include you, I promise to relax my hands. If you can convince me that my choices about you are directly aligned with my consequences, I promise to breathe deeper and accept. I don’t want to be stuck. I want to be free. I’m not sure if you know, but secretly, I have learned to Love all of me. Isn’t that something? I’ll trust you and say it again; secretly, I have learned to Love all of me…. Today, I apologize to you. I’m sorry for not maximizing our time. I’m sorry. When we transition into tomorrow, let’s both say the same thing when we simultaneously become yesterday; well done….Patrick

This week, please do something for someone other than yourself for no other reason than to make their lives better. As always, if you make it to where you’re going, please don’t forget to leave a map for the rest of us. Always Choose Love Because Love Changes Everything.

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